Darwin - Ancient Australia

We're not in Kansas anymore Toto.

In this update, we visit; Kathrine, Darwin, Litchfield Park and Kakadu 

After so much dirt, we arrived at Kathrine and booked a Caravan Park with grass, yes grass. Oh sweet grass, how it felt between my toes, like vibrant little green pixies taking me, momentarily, back to the East Coast.

But alas, it was my little green home in a dry hot dust bowl called Katherine. Now when I say hot, we all know that 30 degrees is hot right? I mean 35 is sweltering and 40 is flaming hot, yeah? Well, what about 48 degrees! Yes, 48 degrees in the car park at Katherine Gorge. I think the appropriate term for that is hotter than hell!!!

Kathrine Gorge

At that temperature, the sweat from your back, arrogantly, while uninvited, makes it's way down your spine and without grace straight into your butt crack. It probably doesn't help that my lard arse is like a sweat factory operating in a sweat demanding global boom!

Staying here, in the heat, wasn't for me. My body just isn't made for this temperature, so we packed up after a couple of days and headed north to Darwin. 

Katherine, the town, once again wasn't what I expected. It was a place that made me feel lucky to have what we have, and live in the place we live in (and the very good people I spend my time with). No doubt something needs to be done here, but I guess the old saying; "out of sight, out of mind" applies here. If Katherine was a suburb of Sydney it would probably be in the evening news every night until something was done about it.

But enough whinging, my next stop is Edith Falls, and it was time to cool my fat arse down a bit. This is a must stop place, and had it not have been so hot, we could have camped here (you see, without power, is without air conditioning, and that's one part of camping I can't do without). It was a fantastic place to have a swim though.

Edith Falls

But onward and upward, we were heading towards civilization and we couldn't wait.

Massive Termite Mound between Katherine and Darwin

But before we got there, we come across this massive termite mound on the side of the road. It practically dwarfed my rig. How old must this thing be? It got me thinking though, if we placed this on the side of the road in other spots, it would make the perfect emergency braking zone. I mean, why bother with a sandy run-off from a deep decent when you could just "grow" a 5 metre termite mound to stop those runaway trucks.

Hello Darwin... I mean... heeeeeeeelllllloooooo Darrrrwin. Coo'ee

Where is Darwin? Is this it? No way!

Ok, some quick research on Wikipedia explained the lack of "people". With a population of around 130,000, which is around 50,000 less than my little central coast town, calling it a city is a little misleading isn't it. From now on my home town of Woy Woy will be known as the waterfront capital of the central coast.

Darwin is well known for Cyclone Tracy and the bombing during wwii. 

Oil Tunnels

Darwin War Memorial

I can't help wonder why the Japanese went to the effort of attacking Darwin though. While taking nothing away from the men and women that lost their lives defending Australia, it was like a drunk dude (Japan), full of liquid courage (Sake), walked up and slapped another dude (us Aussies) in the face while our big brother (the USA) watched the whole thing happen. What did they think was going to happen next? What is the Japanese word for whoops?

So we know the people up north are a bit weird right, I mean it's too hot up here for normal people to live isn't it. Surely this kind of heat has an effect on the brain, doesn't it?

Well, a group of deviate Darwinians decided to copy the acts of their southern brothers and steal the wheels of this truck. They knew they had to put it up on bricks, so that's what they did first. Once there they just couldn't work out how to get the wheels off, so left it there and decided to come back later when the weather wasn't so hot.

I guess it's taking them a little while to work it out too ;-)

But enough of my ramblings, you want to see the Croc's right. 

There are Croc's you see in a zoo, then there are Croc's lazying around on the banks of a river, and then there are these monsters.

This honestly took me by surprise. My eyes were fixated on these monsters, wide open like dinner plates from a fancy restaurant. The cruise, called the Adelaide River Queen, is a must see if you ever head to Darwin. It's worth the trip up just to see this. Totally jaw dropping and absolutely amazing and terrifying at the same time.

Needless to say, we were a little weary about murky river water from now on.



With the wild Croc sightings ticked off my bucket list, we headed down to Litchfield Park. This is like Kakadu's little brother.

It was time to make use of that 4X4 system on our monster truck again. This time a river crossing.

I wonder how deep it is and how far around it goes?

After seeing the jumping Croc's, neither the missus or I were too keen to walk the track and check the depth (I moved the sign from the side so you can see this little warning too).

River Crossing in Litchfield Park

Thankfully, some "locals" pulled up, and drove on through. I figured if a Hilux and Ford Ranger can make it, we should be ok. If not we would be drawing straws who would get out and connect the snatch strap!

So we risked our lives to see a place called the Blyth Homestead within Liitchfield Park. This little shack, barely two metres tall, stood there, well and truly, in the "outback". Yes, people used to live in it. Der, I know right, why? I bet they didn't even have Internet.

Rear view of Blyth Homestead

We also had to see "The Lost City"... or was that the lost rocks? I mean, seriously, someone looked at a bunch of rocks and saw a city? Hell, next time I look at the clouds, I'll be saying wow, a jetski race, see that cloud, that's a 300x and that one behind is an RXP-X and the one way back there is an FZR. Come on, surely someone is laughing their heads off that all these people are going to see this imaginary place.

I figured given we were "seeing things", I should stop and talk to this tour guide. He "said" follow me through here, it's going to be great". We waited for a few hours but he didn't move. Dying of thirst I just couldn't wait any longer so decided to leave. I said goodbye and gave him a wave, yet not even an aussie outback "Hooroo" did I get from him. How rude!










But, jokes aside, it was worth the trip into Litchfield Park. There are the Waterfalls and the swimming at Wangi, and this place called Florence Falls. Stunning.

Well enough of Darwin and surrounds, it was time for Kakadu. Besides, I got my tyres fixed and the car got serviced. It was the first place we reached that I didn't actually break anything. In fact, we managed to get things fixed! This has got to be a sign of good times to come.... doesn't it?









Kakadu is a few hundred kilometres east of Darwin. It's a long lonely drive full of endless scrub plains, roadtrains and people waving to you as they pass. For me it felt like a days driving, but for the missus who had a little snooze and our girl who watched a couple of TV Shows on the laptop, it was "wow, we're here already"... yeah, whatever dreamers.

Kakadu is truly the wilderness. It's hard to believe people survived here.

What you see here is Kakadu on the right side (west) of the river and Arnham Land on the left, eastern side (yes I was taking a photo from Arnham Land!)

You seem to lose all sense of bearing here. Everything looks the same.

What way is north? 

It's easy enough in the morning or evening, but midday, when the sun is mostly directly overhead, it's not so obvious.

I found myself on more than one occasion thinking I was going in one direction, only to find I was going in the complete opposite direction. I almost didn't believe my GPS, for a split second, and at one time, thinking maybe it was wrong and I was right.

You really don't want to get lost in this place either.

This monster was lurking in the reeds waiting for us to make a wrong turn.

But if we didn't get eaten by a croc, we could die of a snake bite. 

But if that didn't get us, we would die of thirst, and the man eating sized birds would pick our remains to the bones and we'd vanish for ever.

Maybe only remembered in paintings on the numerous rocks around here a thousand years from now.

All these paintings have meanings, or lessons. Whether it's telling a story of animals, or the European Invaders, or even a warning for people who do the wrong things.

Like this painting, my interpretation of the above; a man who was not getting enough sex from his wife, and his manly bits swelling, to an obviously painful size, was totally wrong. 

Apparently, this painting was about stealing?? No way! I mean that has got to be the worst case of blue-ball I've ever seen. 

Anyway, I explained MY version to the missus and warned her against abstinence while camping. I said it was the "traditional" law that I avoid this affliction. She wants to seek advice and clarification from Mimi (the aboriginal spirits) before she agrees to my version of this painting.

While I wait for "relief", our Kakadu experience has come to an end. Next stop is Lake Argyle WA. Finally I'll be able to get the 300x on the water again. I hope!

Top End of the Aussie Outback

It was time to leave the East Coast and start our outback adventure.

The plan was to get to Northern Territory in a week or so.... what's the rush right? This was the "adventure" part of our trip. The part we can see "real" Australia. The part everyone asks about, The Outback!

Our travel across (locations below)

We left Port Douglas (A) and took the inland road to Undara (B). They have some Volcanic Lava Tubes there that everyone said is a must see.

Undara Lava Tube

Another Tube... woo hoo!

But something was weird. I was standing in the middle of what was an ancient massive lava flow thinking... um yeah, ok a big hole in the ground. So, what's next... is there something exciting we'll see now?

Yeah, a tree! Wow! (that's sarcasm if you can't hear me). It's exciting because it grows from a collapsed tube that ran under the ground. I must say, the English tour guide (yes, we had a tour guide and it cost $52 per person... I know, a rip off right) was a very excitable chap. God help him if he rode a jetski, the poor guy would probably pass out with an adrenaline rush as soon as his bum hit the jettrim seat cover.

Given it was almost 40 degrees, hot, dirty, dusty, with lots of bull-ants and flies, we decided one night was enough. This was our intro into the outback and I was a little concerned. But it was all part of the adventure right?

Next stop was Porcupine Gorge (C). We booked a camp site here as there was supposed to be a good swimming hole at the base of the gorge. Oh how I looked forward to a swim too. It was so hot.

We took a "short cut" straight down. It was only a few hundred kilometers, yet our Navigation said it was going to take 5 hours?? That's odd, I thought.

Well, it all become very clear why the nav was saying 5 hours. It's slow going when you're driving on this!

The road between Undara and Porcupine Gorge (damn dirt)

Welcome to the outback! 

In a few hundred kilometers we saw maybe 3 other cars. We definitely took the wrong road. Actually, you knew something was very wrong when you come across some road work signs warning of rough road, only to find it in better condition than the road you were just on. I was looking forward to roadwork signs after that.

Pulled up on the "highway" for a photo

We finally arrived at Porcupine Gorge (C), however, for some reason, again, I wasn't feeling the love from the natural wonders the place had to offer.

Porcupine Gorge looking south'ish

To my utter disappointment, the lack of rain had left the water in the gorge green and looking unfortunately uninviting. That's a 100 metres or more down there!

The car park at Porcupine Gorge. That's my car in the distance. Notice no one else is here??

Maybe it was the city slicker in me, but I just couldn't stay here. I couldn't swim, it had no power and that meant no air conditioner, so we got in the car and decided to head to Hughenden (D), it's a main town after all.

Our plan was to stay in Hughenden (D) that night. 

As we drove in, we quickly realised that there is now a new definition for "main town". Ok, it was Sunday, but where was everyone!?

We decided to check out the Tourist Information Centre and ask about a place for lunch and the best caravan park. Well, no sooner did we start talking, the whole towns power went out.... arrrgh. Ok, bye Hughenden, we're out of here.

It was probably at this point I realised I wasn't the outback type. I guess you learn a few things about yourself during a trip like this. It's shallow I know, but I expected more from the towns. I expected... well... civilization. A cafe, a restaurant, hell even Subway. I mean really, do people out here live on stale roadhouse sausage rolls and out of date chocolate milk?

Because of our anti-outbackness, we put our foot down an traveled as far as we could. That was Julia Creek (E). Just like our exPM with the same name, we found it as uninspiring, with little substance, and a feeling that we'd be better off without it. No offence to the people living there. All friendly people, but come on, guys, have you heard of the big cafe shop boom in Australia!!

The next day we decided to make a dash for Tennant Creek (F). A massive 900+ kilometre drive.

Tennant Creek is a big town right? Nope, it's smaller than our little home town of Woy Woy on the central coast of NSW. Not what I was expecting again!

We unpacked our stuff on top of more dirt and got organised for a trip to Devils Marbles the next day. A quick look over everything was standard procedure when we stop.

It was at this point my usual state of breaking something at each stop exceeded all expectations.

What is that???

Oh my god... Noooooooooooo! The tyre was destroyed and we were maybe 12 hours drive from Darwin with one spare! This is not good. Nothing I can do about it other than cross my fingers and hope we make it.

We decided to go to Devils Marbles the next day anyway. I'm glad I did. After thousands of kilometres of nothingness this was worth the trip. Uniquely amazing is what comes to mind. These massive round boulders were everywhere. They were all in an area around the size of a maybe 10 football fields, that's it. Like they were dropped here from space.

Devils Marbles Site

Devils Marbles "artty fartty shot"

A swim in the parks pool, and then begin to pack up for our early morning exit. We weren't going to miss Tennant Creek either. Again, there is nothing there. I really didn't picture these towns like this. I thought they were a lot bigger. Most don't even have proper grocery stores let alone supermarkets. I'm embarassed, being born here, and not knowing what these towns are really like.

The next leg was another big one; Mataranka (G). I can't believe how boring the drive is. I mean there is nothing. But not nothing as in the towns are small, I mean NOTHING. Even a game of eye-spy would be over in 3 letters; D - Dirt, T - Trees, and  R - Roadtrains (or Rocks if you wanted to be tricky)

An odd raised "hill" that breaks up an otherwise flat landscape

Here we are now. We've arrived in Mataranka (G). Mataranka is a "secret" spot known for it's Hot Springs or Thermal Pools (a hot creek that runs around this area). Its an Oasis in the middle of a dry and dusty outback.

Mataranka Thermal Pool

As spectacular as this place looks, it does have massive sand flies that have evolved their ability to bite you through your own T-shirt. But, the water was amazing and well worth the stop.

Next stop Katherine (H). Thankfully only a short 100km drive away.

So we crossed from the east coast and arrived in Katherine in 3 nights, yet it took us 6 weeks to travel from NSW to Port Douglas. I guess this is further proof I'm just not the aussie outback boy I thought I might have been. Honestly, I hate the red dirt, I can't stand the heat (without water), the flies must drink Red Bull, and the towns are like Rest Stops with cheap BBQ facilities. Sorry, that's just how I feel about it. I'm sure others love it, but I guess in the end, "you can take the boy from the coast, but you can't take the coast from the boy".

I miss the water already....

Mission Beach, Port Douglas and the Great Barrier Reef

We left Townsville with a wave and a beep and headed north.

Next Stop Mission Beach.

We arrived with the same wind from the Whitsundays and Townsville. While the wind was somewhat annoying, it was still nice and warm.

We decided to have a quick stop over, two nights max, as we wanted to get to Port Douglas and the Great Barrier Reef. 

I figured I'd leave the camper on the truck as it wasn't worth unpacking everything. Besides, given my luck, the less I move around the less likely I am to break something.

Once unpacked I thought it would be good to go for a walk up the beach, to the main town. Asking the reception chic how far it is gave me an answer that I wasn't really expecting. She explained the main town is not far, only a couple km's. Cool, that's not a bad walk along the beach I thought, until she added; there is a creek you need to cross, home to a Crocodile, but if you cross at low tide you should be OK. SHOULD what did she mean SHOULD. She may as well said you COULD get eaten, as SHOULD be ok is practically same. I guess she is "the glass is half full" type of person.

I decided to have a swim instead, but couldn't help wonder about this Croc. I mean it's the first time we've been told about them (now that we are more north and all). So, out of curiosity, I ask the fish and chip shop guy. He goes on to tell me that it's only a small one so I should be OK. SHOULD!! What is going on in this town! I figure I SHOULD just go for another swim instead.

Mission Beach Pool. What sick mind would want a fake croc at the Pool

Not long after our swim the wind picked up more but this time the rain followed. It continued all night and into the next day. We were essentially Camper Bound.

So I had two choices, given I was bored out of my brain; start an argument with the missus to make the time go faster or play my girls Batman game on the Wii.

I figured I'd save the argument for a time we don't have power, or internet, or TV reception so on went the Batman game.

Damn RAIN !! (a view from the upstairs master bedroom in the camper)

Not much else to talk about here really. I pretty much spent the day playing computer games, scratching myself and "accidentally" dropping the odd enclosed camper fart for the missus' enjoyment. We almost wasted our future argument time due to that, so I had to stop. It didn't smell that bad, I promise...

We left the next day and headed to a place called Paronella Park. I won't bore you with all the detail, other than to say a dude, in 1913, worked his butt off for his future missus while she was living it up in Spain, only to return to find out the wench went and married someone else. Moral to that story.... dude, you were in Australia, you should have built it for an Australian chic, she would have been happy to sit around and watch you work while living it up in a homemade castle.... cough.

The main "castle" at Paronella Park

Port Douglas, here I come...... and sweet, I didn't break anything at Mission Beach, my bad juju has finally left.

Looking North from the Western side of Port Douglas

Not so fast ju-boy.....

We arrived at Port Douglas around 5:30pm, just on dusk. Pretty excited to be here, as this was going to be our second longest stop and time for a holiday.

The usual procession of unpacking the camper and disconnecting the trailer took place. Up with the pop-top and time for a beer and relax. However, the winder for the pop-top felt a little harder this time, but with my cannons...

just......

a........

bit.......

harder........

and..........

SNAP... shit!

broken winder!! Arrrrrrgh

Oh no, now what?!

A camper that's 5ft inside, without the roof up, is going to be VERY bad. Damn juju....

Lucky I packed half my garage just for times like these. As night fell, I tried a few different ideas. Some started off good, but when the roof still wasn't budging we really needed a solution fast!

After some more brute force, and some heaving from the missus, we managed to get the roof up. I must say, I thought we would be sleeping on the floor for a while. But, all good in the end, and got a local welder to fix the broken winder. Dodged a bullet there!

So now for our holiday!

In short, Cape Tribulation (sorry, no beautiful cliche pic of the beach)

The rainforest bush track leading to the beach

Yep, it looked crap here. That's what a 27 knot wind does, so the above pic will have to do.

The world heritage listed, and self acclaimed oldest rainforest in the world..The Daintree Forest.....yawn.... next!

Some kind of massive tree.... no jetskiing here!

While we were still waiting for the wind to subside, we decided to check out another equally exciting place....

The Butterfly Sanctuary

Butterfly Sanctuary

Yep, you read it right... but this one had the amazing Ka-Wasa-Aki tropical butterfly. 

Ka-Wasa-Aki Tropical Butterfly - said to have more than 300hp!

Apparently this green butterfly has been known to out fly most blue and yellow butterfly's and typically have a longer lifespan than the others. I was told the blue ones, called Yam-ahaha suffer from cracks on their wings, and the yellow ones called Se-adoo-doos fall in shallow bodies of water, sink to the bottom and drown. I'm sure I've read about all this somewhere else but can't recall where at the moment.

But enough of that sissy stuff, the wind is starting to calm down, so it's time to do something "manly"!

Time to finally get my Scuba Diving License. I figured I've towed a few Seadoo's and saved a few from sinking, but if one did sink on my watch, I'd be useless.

Well, not anymore!!!

It's me... Yep, enough lead weight and even I can sink!!

I'm now a qualified submersible Seadoo recovery agent. Give me a call if you need your Seadoo recovered from; the bottom of the bay, or dragged from the river bed or even rescued from the ocean floor. Some discounts may apply.

Unfortunately I didn't see any Seadoo's on the reef, they may have all been overrun by coral already. Here are some pics, let me know if you spot some handlebars and I'll go back and have another look.

Thanks to Blue Dive and the boat Posiden. 

Adriana from Blue Dive and this massive 10ft fish that almost ate me!

Awesome few days. Loved the reefs; Anybodies, Caste Rock, Harry's and even the "reverse" drift dive that had us swim our heart out and use all our air in 20 minutes. Lucky it's not hard to see 30 divers pop up out of the water 2kms from the boat!

But sadly it's time to leave Port Douglas and the Great Barrier Reef. 100% I'll be back though.

Next stop Undara Lava Tubes and onto the Aussie Outback. I don't think I'll be jetskiing or using my newly found scuba talents anytime soon.

Townsville and Magnetic Island

We immediately knew this place just didn't have to same holiday feel the other places had.

Townsville is a working town. It's not a holiday place like all of the others. Although there is a spot, an oasis from the working port, from the rusting steel, the muddy waters and the grubby city streets.

North Eastern corner of Magnetic Island

Just around the eastern corner of Magnetic Island is Horseshoe bay. You could be mistaken thinking you have been teleported somewhere else, but you are still essentially in Townsville, sort of. Unfortunately this is the best it has to offer.

What's left is a fleet. of what looked like patrol boats, used to monitor our boarders and intercept illegal immigrants.

But just down river was this.... I guess they missed one?

While I don't think this was a boat full of asylum seekers, surely it could have been towed in a "get rid of it" kind of way.

I then come across this disaster on the inlet to Townsville. It looked like a couple is actually living on this. I wonder if they are waiting for the next cyclone to wash them back in?

All in all a shock really. I couldn't help thinking, after stopping at Townsville, how good we have it at home. Ettalong, Swansea, Nelson Bay and Forster.

But I should stop there, as my mum always said, if I don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. But I was always an ignorant child...

I can't help it. I'm not a fan of Townsville. It's run down and generally looks untidy. The water is mostly cloudy and brown. Sorry. That's not the view I have of the people though. All friendly people, I just think let down by local councils

Next stop Mission Beach... I'm already packed and ready to go!

Goodbye Whitsundays....

It's all done and dusted, thanks for having us Airlie Beach and goodbye Whitsundays.

View from the rainforest track looking north west from Daydream Island

Our second last day was spent checking out the islands a little more. Half a day on Daydream and half a day on "Hammo". 

So let me summerise; Daydream Island is advertised in the pictures just like a big fresh, colourful Big Mac is from McDonalds. But unfortunately what you get is just like Maccas; something a little smaller, not as fresh, a tad smelly and leaves you asking yourself why you had to have it.

The answer is simply that you can't go to the Whitsundays without going to Daydream Island, just as I'm sure I'll eat a Big Mac again at some point, when I'm desperate, but still wonder why I couldn't just wait!

View from the Boardwalk looking south east from Daydream Island

So goodbye Daydream, maybe one day I'll return with a Whitsunday hunger... Next stop Hammo..

Ferry Terminal Daydream Island

Now I'm a little cynical at the moment, and maybe that was from not being let on Hamilton Island when I initially pulled up on the beach. I had to return though, "legally". I needed to find out why is it so special? 

Is it the bar in the resort pool? 

Is it being able to drive a golf cart on the road? 

Maybe it's because Oprah stayed on it once? But whatever the reason, I'm sure only Dr Phil will cure my distaste. 

Unfortunately, like those three birds searching through the food scraps for something special, nether of us found what we were looking for. Maybe our expectations were just too high?

Fortunately, my last day was spent enjoying that special something that was missing from Daydream and Hamilton. It was Whitehaven Beach and Hill Inlet... this time on a Jetski!

Looking toward Whitehaven from Haslewood Island 

It's a 130km round trip. Done in a 13+ knot South Easterly, with decent swell, made for an interesting ride. Needless to say there wasn't a lot of sitting down and just cruising. Actually, there was so much standing up, and getting beaten up, that if you look closely at the jettrim seat cover you might see some skin from my calf muscles that got rubbed off.

But was it worth it? Um, Yes!! By far, Whitehaven and Hill Inlet is the Whitsundays.

So if you're heading up, forget the two main Islands, Airlie Beach has much more to offer, but DO NOT leave without going to Whitehaven and Hill Inlet for a day! Yes a day! Don't forget your camera too.

So goodbye Daydream, goodbye Hammo, goodbye Airlie, but most of all, goodbye Whitehaven, we will meet again another day.